She was back in our bed and she was very happy indeed. I'd be happy too if I could just roll over, get a quick snack, and roll back over and go back to sleep. But, deep down, I knew that it was time to try again. The longer we wait, the harder it gets. So, Friday night, we tried again. This time, we put her in the crib while she was awake so she can learn to fall asleep on her own. All of the sleeping experts recommend creating a routine so we have bath + story + goodnight kiss = bedtime. Needless to say, she's not fond of this new math at all. The first night, she screamed for the full 30 minutes I allowed her to cry it out. Half an hour is all I can take of hearing her scream while resisting the overwhelming urge to respond to her, to make it all better, to say "Oh baby, you can sleep with mama until you're 25 if you'll stop screaming as if your poor little heart is breaking." I brought her back to my bed, cuddling her while she whimpered in her sleep. Started having thoughts like "Maybe I should wait until she's older to transition her to sleeping on her own." "She's too young." "I'll never get any sleep again if we have to keep this up."
Daddy wasn't having it though. He's tougher than I am. Even though it rocks him to the core to hear her screams of agony, he's more willing to be a sadist than I am. He reassured me that it'll get better. According to his mother, it only took her 2 weeks to break him out of the family bed. So, we had to try again. Saturday night, we put her in the crib, kissed her goodnight, and left the room. She screamed--but it was different this time. She only screamed for 5 minutes and then it was silence. And then she'd scream again and then again...silence. Every time she got quiet, one of us would check to see if she'd gone to sleep and whenever she saw us, she'd scream again so the cycle continued until I got smart. I used my hand mirror to watch her from my room without her seeing me. Thank you to all of those action movies where they use this trick!
Soon, the mirror revealed the impossible. She started to fall asleep, sitting up. She'd rock forward, startle herself, whimper, fall asleep again. What's that bright light you say?! It's the light at the end of the tunnel that's what! A few minutes later, she face planted forward, exhausted. I moved her into a better sleeping position which disturbed her a little but I just rubbed her tummy until she gave into sleep again.
Cue the Dora the Explorer "Lo Hicimos" music! Hark the herald angels sing! My baby is sleeping all on her own! I should be happy right? I'm not. I'm actually kind of sad. I'm going to miss her wild romping around my bed in her attempt to fight sleep. I'm going to miss her soft, squishy baby body curled up next to me. I'm going to miss seeing her bright eyes staring at me when she wakes up in the morning. I'm going to miss co-sleeping. But that's the push + pull of parenting. Pride and joy commingle with nostalgia and bittersweet acceptance that slowly but surely, time is taking your sweet baby away from you.
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| Photo overlay: Brush Set: 4x6 Fancy Frames by Amanda Sok |
